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Thread: Husband won't support my desire to wean

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    I get what you are saying. I EP out of necessity. My fourth baby -- after having successfully BF three other children for 2 years each -- cannot nurse because he has a cleft palate. He cannot nurse effectively enough to do well by breastfeeding only. So I pump.

    And it is AWFUL. You do feel like all you do is pump and feed, pump and feed. Because you do. 120 minutes a day in pumping alone. Washing up. Feeding, which takes both hands. I added up how many hours a week I spend with all of this, and it's 46 hours a week. That's probably significantly elevated because my baby can't eat quickly, even with a special needs feeder.

    But I keep doing it because it's what is keeping him healthy. The cleft team tells me that. The ped tells me that. And it's amazing.

    My suggestion...work HARD at getting him to the breast. Because, in the end, that will SAVE YOU TIME and give you more time for that bonding experience. Bottle feeding formula won't save you any time.

    It only works for a working mom when she can BF (and BFing is so much easier than what you've been having to do) OR if she has someone who helps her with the baby at night. I can't do anythign all day, but when DH is home, he helps me with the baby while I try to catch up with stuff at night.

    I will say this...it does come. And it's not always like a lightning bolt. It's only been in the last couple of weeks, when I could spread my pumping out a bit, where I felt like I could suddenly breathe a bit. My house is destroyed, I don't have much of a life, my kids are all neglected (not really), but I feel finally like I can spend a bit of time with my baby and get to know him.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  2. #12
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    126

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    I just wanted to chime and to say ! Wow, you've been dealing with a lot of stress and issues and I can totally understand how you feel. I work full time and I HATE pumping. But I'm lucky in that when I'm home DD nurses like a champ.
    I'm looking forward to some of the follow up from mommal. A couple of other thoughts, can you get in contact with a local LLL leader or go to meetings? Maybe having someone look at your latch, ect would help out? Also, maybe what you need is a day off of everything but nursing? would you be able to just curl up with the baby and snuggle, nurse and relax (maybe watch TV or read)? I'm thinking maybe just a down day where you try to just take it easy, let everything else go and snuggle and nurse?

    Either way, remember you've done a great job dealing with a lot of issues and doing whats best for you and your baby!!

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    Thank you so much for your support, ladies! It does help to hear stories of other women who have had problems but manage to get through them okay. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who doesn't enjoy breastfeeding!

    The pain feels just like it did when I first started breastfeeding. Let down is very painful and then it gradually gets better throughout the feeding. It kind of aches in between feedings. It's not really burning, itching, or stabbing. I'm not really sure how to describe it. Maybe closer to stabbing? It feels like someone's yanking on the muscles really hard or something. The nipple is a dark pink (which is why the doctor thinks it might be thrush), but it's deep in the breast that hurts. It's mostly on the left side (the side that has the most milk) but the right side hurts a little too. The skin on nipples is slightly cracked. I haven't noticed any hard lumps at all. I haven't had any antibiotics lately, but my son has been on one since he left the hospital (so for the last couple months). He had thrush in the hospital so I know what it looks like and I don't see anything that looks like it in his mouth again. I haven't noticed any other signs of thrush on me. Now that I look at it, yes, there are some small red streaks on the breast.
    I've been pumping and feeding with a bottle the last couple of days and now the pain has seemed to go down some.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    20,813

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    Thanks for the complete description! It definitely sounds suspiciously thrush-y. Pink nipples, cracks, a deep throbbing pain in between feedings. Couple those symptoms with the fact that your LO already had thrush and that it can be hard to beat... Yeah, I'm thinking your doc was right. Did she tell you to treat both yourself and the baby? Often docs don't know that both members of the nursing pair must be treated, even when one is asymptomatic.

    The one thing that makes me wonder if something else is going on is those red streaks on the breast. It's possible that you have a breast infection (a.k.a. mastitis)- streaks could indicate that.
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    4,836

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    Does it feel like someone is cutting your nipple off with a pair of scissors when the feeding first starts? I had that with my daughter Kate and dreaded the start of every feeding. It would literally pull me up off the chair every single time she latched on.

    I don't know if I had thrush. Now that I know the symptoms, it sounds like we did, but I can't imagine it resolved on it's own

    I did have cracked nipples (and a large chunk missing) and I wound up with mastitis really really bad. They think I had it for awhile, but didn't get a fever at first. I don't get fevers often. By the time the fever hit, it skyrocketed quickly and the infection was hard to get rid of because I let it go for so long.

    People told me that breastfeeding was painful at first, so I was just sucking it up, thinking it was going to get better. The lactation consultant from the hospital was mortified and amazed that I was suffering so much with the notion that it was normal

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    mommal, The doctor had a prescription for nystatin sent to my pharmacy, so we'll see if that works. And yeah, she did mention that if nystatin fixes my problem, we'll have to put the baby on it as well. She is also worried about a breast infection so if it doesn't continue to get better, I will set up an appointment to have it checked.

    shannon, The pain is more in the breast than the nipple... That sounds horrible though! I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't have a fever and I feel totally healthy (other than the breast pain) so it doesn't sound like a breast infection. I am a little worried it is anyways though and we won't catch it early because I feel healthy. Maybe I should go get it checked out soon just in case.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,293

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    You could have a plugged duct. The mastitis that pp's are referring to can develop from have plugged ducts. If you feel your breasts thoroughly and you feel a ball or a lump you would want to try to massage that out when you nurse or pump. let us know if you feel that and we can go from there.

    I actually just wanted to say that often the challenges we face with breastfeeding can seem completely overwhelming and many woman who suffer with tongue tie issues, thrush, etc wonder what they are doing wrong or what is wrong with them. It's so hard to feel these negative feelings when you thought it was going to be a wonderful experience.

    I can promise you that it will get better. There will be a point when you look at your baby nursing and you will feel overwhelmed with peace and happiness. It may take some time but it is worth every struggle. Keep that in your thoughts and know that you are stronger than you think you are.

    finally... 'someone once said that bottle-feeding a baby is like riding a tricyle: you just get on and you do it. breastfeeding is like riding a bicycle. you wobble at first, maybe you fall, and there's certaily a learning curve. but once you know how to ride a bicycle, would you ever go back to riding a tricycle?"
    - the womanly art of breastfeeding

    you have hit some very tough bumps in your breastfeeding journey. don't be discouraged...you are very strong and you can do this! you have done a wonderful job so far.
    Last edited by @llli*mtmama; June 22nd, 2011 at 07:43 PM.

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    If it is thrush, then you are going to need to seriously disinfect everything, and if you have stored milk, don't use it for feeding as you will reinfect baby, who then, when you nurse him, will reinfect you.

    Hopefully the nystatin works! The other cream, if you need a bit more pain relief, that you might find helpful is All Purpose Nipple Cream, but someone would have to prescribe it. However, I kind of wonder if you have a deep thrush problem -- that happened a friend of mine with her 8th baby and what she said sounded very much like what you wrote here -- and she needed Diflucan to get rid of it.

    Hang in there...it will get better!
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
    Posts
    4,984

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    Ask your doctor for Diflucan. You can also apply an OTC antifungal to your nipples - basically, Monistat, or Gyn-Lotramin (clotraminazole). You don't have to wash it off before nursing. A lot of moms on here have had success with Grapefruit Seed Extract as a natural remedy (in addition to those other things or on its own). If you search these forums for thrush (or start a new thread with "thrush" in the title) you can get a ton of great advice from ladies who had really bad cases and managed to get through them. I had really bad thrush in the beginning, and OUCH. Holy mother, it hurt. Deep in my breasts with every let-down. When I finally resolved it, it was like a revelation: Oh, breastfeeding DOESN'T totally suck? It ISN'T a form of torture? Oooooh. Curing that changed everything for me. I really hope you can get through this too.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    10

    Default Re: Husband won't support my desire to wean

    Jomo, Do I need a prescription for OTC antifungal or the grapefruit seed extract? Where would I find those?

    Thanks for all the suggestions!!

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