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Thread: Need weaning advice/sympathy

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    1,501

    Default Need weaning advice/sympathy

    I am BEYOND ready to be done with nursing. My lo is going on 21 months.

    I think I'd be more for continuing, if it weren't for the fact that DS still asks to nurse ALL THE TIME. Several times during the day, and even 2-4 times in the middle of the night. It's exhausting. And it's more than I ever bargained for. And I am beginning to resent my own child (and so is DH, because it's really interfering with our love life), and it's just no good.

    I am ready to move on. The challenge is convincing DS...

    Don't Ask-Don't Refuse is NOT working for us.

    I'm trying to fill him up more on solids. But, he's a little behind with his teeth coming in, so there are still lots of things that he can't handle very well, and I can only get him to eat so much of one thing before he's bored with it (except cheese ). I give him whole milk, and he'll generally take just a few swigs before chucking the cup across the room (or upending the sippy to let droplets fall all over the floor).

    The internal struggle is, that what if he still truly NEEDS to be nursing? I'd hate to sell him short. But then, is it unreasonalbe to expect that he be night weaned by now AT LEAST? Is it unreasonable to deny him THAT MUCH?

    When he asks to nurse, and I try to redirect him to something else, he just gets even MORE insistent that I nurse him. He is a boy who will not be swayed from getting what he wants...And it doesn't help that he's never really accepted a binky-- so, it's the boob or nothing.

    Going out helps. But, I'd have to be out of the house with him ALL DAY EVERY DAY in order to wean him that way. When would I ever get my laundry done? Or cooking? Or dishes?

    I am planning a possible trip down to see my sister in early June. I would like to travel on my own, and leave the kids with DH. If DS is not weaned by then, would it be cruel for me to just up and leave him for four days? Would that be long enough to convince him that he doesn't need to nurse anymore? Would it be long enough for my milk to dry out? Gah, it really seems like a last-ditch effort, but I am feeling a little desperate.
    ~Sylvia~

    Wife to Nick, m. May 2005

    Mommy to Gabriel (b. January 2007, 8lbs. 15oz.), nursed 18 months.

    Isaac (b. August 2009, 9lbs. 1oz- naturally), nursed 22 months, through PPD/PPA and emergency gallbladder surgery.

    and Corban (b. March 2012, 11lbs. 6Oz.- naturally in the water), my NICU baby, still nursing strong at age 2!


    Daughter of God

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
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    6,564

    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    Sylvia, if you night-weaned him, do you think you would feel ok continuing to nurse during the day? Or conversely, if you day weaned him, would the night nursing be ok?

    I weaned Lilah at 25 months when I was pregnant. The only way to do it was to keep on the move all the time.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    NW OH
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    3,473

    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    no advice, I just wanted to share though-I left my DS (same age as yours) last month for 5 days and he did just fine. He only nursed at night and once before nap, and my DH was able to get him to sleep (well the first night was rough)
    I wouldn't worry about leaving him. I think my son wouldn't have nursed when I got back if I hadn't offered, but I was really engorged and a pump was not cutting it and I was desperate
    I think if you really want to stop, than you might have to listen to tantrums or tears for a few days(is that what happens when you refuse??)
    I say if being out of the house helps, then maybe save the laundry/dishes for nap time or bed time. If it's worth your sanity, than something has to give!!


    I'm Heather, SAHM to Cooper , born 1/2007
    and Bennett, our precious NICU grad born 8/2009
    and wife to Bill since 10/2003!
    We're young, but we know we can do it!
    Life with the Stevens-blog

    I'm an Ergo Baby Carrier affiliate!

  4. #4
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*hls02 View Post
    I say if being out of the house helps, then maybe save the laundry/dishes for nap time or bed time. If it's worth your sanity, than something has to give!!
    And get your DH to help with those things. It sounds like you would be doing it for his benefit, he should share in some of the work it will take to get there, if weaning is the route you choose to take.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  5. #5
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    I also wanted to say that I think he probably does need to nurse. Sorry, I'm not trying to be unsupportive. I do think you could nightwean and maybe the daytime will be easier for you to handle. Do you think your DH could do the nightweaning, and take over night times for you?
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Northern Cal.
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    4,984

    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    I don't have any weaning advice, but when Joe was 19-20 months, I was posting a thread here about how he was driving me TOTALLY NUTSO with his constant nursing and tantrums every time I refused. I got a lot of advice about setting better limits. Joe still nurses, pretty frequently (as many times as your DS, actually, I was surprised when you said he only nurses several times a day and a couple times at night), but I feel so much better about it (mind you, I don't want to wean him).

    One thing that was suggested to me was to work on the most annoying time/type of nursing first. That's the place to start setting limits. You might feel less imposed upon if you drop a couple of the harder sessions.

    At 21 months, your baby's nursing patterns sound totally normal - like I said, if anything he sounds like a light nurser. I know it's not what you bargained for, but remember, it is normal for HIM.


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  7. #7
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    Jun 2009
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    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    I agree with JoMo. And one thing I didn't realize until it was too late, was that I could have eliminated all the boredom nursing a lot sooner. It would just have taken a week or so of me being really busy and paying more attention to Lilah to get her down to several times a day from 12 to 20.

    And the nights don't sound too bad to me either. But maybe that's because I was cosleeping.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
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    Northern Cal.
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    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommy2lilah View Post
    I agree with JoMo. And one thing I didn't realize until it was too late, was that I could have eliminated all the boredom nursing a lot sooner. It would just have taken a week or so of me being really busy and paying more attention to Lilah to get her down to several times a day from 12 to 20.

    And the nights don't sound too bad to me either. But maybe that's because I was cosleeping.
    For me, it was the boredom nursing that was giving me aneurisms. The night nursing doesn't bother me - it's snuggly. And these days, it's only a couple times a night, and I think Joe sleeps a little longer because of it (that is, if I night weaned him, I'd lose my "snooze button"!


    You can call me JoMo!

    Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    2,944

    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    I have no advice, but I can certainly relate. I'm feeling conflicted as well and I feel bad for feeling that way. My DD has stopped nursing in the day and only nurses at night now that has made it a lot better to deal with because for some reason it's easier to just deal with it so I can lay down and get some rest than to have to deal with nursing toddler antics during the day. I would like her to be done all together though.
    Proud mom of 2:
    DD 5/2008 nursed for 3 years and 3 months.
    DS born 8/2011 nursing like a champ

    Sorry for the short responses...always, always, always NAK or holding a baby

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    18

    Default Re: Need weaning advice/sympathy

    If you're ready to be done, then I say, go ahead and wean! It sounds like you are ready. Unless you had set a goal for yourself and you think ultimately you'd regret it.

    21 months is a big accomplishment, and you've given your son some great benefits.

    There is a wide spectrum of nursing relationships, and what's right for one may not be right for another.

    We just night-weaned my daughter (14 months), and I can't tell you how happy it's made me. She was waking every hour for about a month prior to the night-weaning, and I was becoming physically wrecked. Carrying her in my arms was actually becoming difficult because my body was so weak. We co-sleep, so my husband and I are still there to snuggle, croon, etc. The whole process was much easier than I thought it would be. It feels like a really natural progression.

    Here's a good link: http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

    In my opinion, the breastfeeding relationship doesn't need to remain static to remain positive.

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