Happy Mothers Breastfed Babies
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 17 of 17

Thread: On the verge of giving up

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    555

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up



    I started EP-ing around 8 weeks. And my LO had an undiagnosed tongue tie for 4 months . Keep in mind I saw a dozen LCs.

    We gotta start the bed time routine soon, but I'll be back w tips

    You can do this! Sometimes we have to redefine success, but one day at a time, you know?

    BBL!

    Editing-

    So first things first. You do need to pump alot. But ANY pumping is better than no pumping. If you sat down and turned it on and went for 5 min and then your baby woke up, great! You removed some milk. That is good. ANY opportunity you have to remove milk, take it. I have a hand pump I use in between classes for 3-4 min. It's not alot of time, but it helps infinitely.

    Bottlefeeding doesn't have to be soooo hard. I make up all my son's bottles the night before, left them accumulate in the sink, and run the dishwasher at night. I am not at a point where I can really give much consideration to the amount of energy/water this takes, I need to do what makes life easier.

    I also had a tongue tie baby- keep trying!! My son only nurses in the tub these days- maybe it will have you get him back on!

    Lastly, I know this is SO SO SO hard. I am single and going to school and EPing, and it drives me crazy. It is so important that you celebrate what you have done and keep your goals short- I can't believe I'm coming up on 6 months and my baby now gets 1/2 breastmilk as opposed to 1/8!

    More tips as questions come as I can't think straight. Exhausted!

    You can do itttt!
    Last edited by @llli*katia11; April 27th, 2011 at 09:13 PM.

  2. #12

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up

    I don't really want to quit, but it has gotten to the point where I think it might actually be better for my baby if I did. Having to devote 110% of my time to pumping and feeding has turned me into a really unpleasant person. I can either cry all the time and be miserable and give her breast milk or I can be happy and interactive and loving and give her formula. Which mother would you rather have? I truly admire the moms out there who have persevered through similar or even worse situations. I'm just not sure that this is the right thing for me and my baby. Maybe if I could stay home with her longer it would be worth it, but after two more months, I don't know how I would breast feed her, anyway, since I will have to work such long hours.

    So, is it better to be a wreck and give her breast milk or be mentally stable and formula feeding? Even if we ended up with a great breast feeding relationship by the end of the next two months, how would I keep going having to work 80-hour weeks and 16-hour days?

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    21,346

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*amy.marie View Post
    First I want to say, you are in the hardest weeks right now. For any of us, this is the part that sucks the most. This is when we all haven't showered, eaten or slept in weeks. Our house is a wreck and we're going stir crazy. The whole mom sitting in a clean house with her freshly blown out hair and fresh lip gloss and a blissfully sleeping baby. BIG FAT LIE. This is when most moms come here begging for help and ready to quit. So please don't feel like you're the only one who feels like this.
    OMG. So true. Those attractively-dressed moms in the formula commercials with their immaculate McMansions and time to cuddle their adorable, sleeping babies and fix and drink a relaxing cup of tea- I wanted to KILL THEM. Because the first few weeks/months postpartum, I've always been sitting in a house that looks eligible for Red Cross disaster aid, with my hair unwashed, milk stains on my cloths, barf in my hair- and when we had a dog she was lucky if she got a trip to the backyard to pee.

    I really, really sympathize with your situation. I had similar problems with my first baby. Flat nipples made it excruciating to nurse, and because my baby couldn't achieve a good latch, I ended up pumping 8X per day trying to build my supply. I just about went crazy. I was crying every day, multiple times a day, wondering where my magical bonding experience with my baby was going- how could I possibly bond when I had to choose between holding her and pumping for her?

    What the books and commercials don't tell you is that sometimes having a baby is a magical, rosy experience where everything goes perfectly and feeding the baby is like falling in love. And other times it's more like you and your baby are going through a war together. It's hard, you're scared, you're stressed- but in the end you generate an unshakable bond anyway.

    Here are a few things that helped me:
    - Take it one day at a time. Don't think about making it to a year or whatever. Just make it through today.
    - Save time when pumping by leaving your pump screwed onto a bottle of milk, and pop the whole thing in the fridge. When it's time to pump again, re-use the set-up, pumping new milk on top of old. My LC said I could do this 1X before washing everything again.
    - Instead of doing multiple little washing-ups per day, do one big one. Throw used bottles and pump parts into a big basin of soapy water and leave them.
    - Remember that breastfeeding doesn't have to be all or nothing. I am that pumping just 2X a day isn't going to maintain a big supply, but if that's all you can do it's better than nothing! If pumping 8X per day is too much, pick a different number that works for you.
    - Remember that flat or inverted nipples often do get corrected when you nurse/pump! Mine used to be flat- but it only took about 6 months for them to evert completely and permanently. (Looks slutty under a t-shirt, but so what?! )
    Coolest thing my big girl said recently: "How can you tell the world is moving when you are standing on it?"
    Coolest thing my little girl sang recently: "I love dat one-two pupples!"

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    COUGARTOWN Baby! From here on in!
    Posts
    17,469

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*bunjagraham View Post
    I don't really want to quit, but it has gotten to the point where I think it might actually be better for my baby if I did. Having to devote 110% of my time to pumping and feeding has turned me into a really unpleasant person. I can either cry all the time and be miserable and give her breast milk or I can be happy and interactive and loving and give her formula. Which mother would you rather have? I truly admire the moms out there who have persevered through similar or even worse situations. I'm just not sure that this is the right thing for me and my baby. Maybe if I could stay home with her longer it would be worth it, but after two more months, I don't know how I would breast feed her, anyway, since I will have to work such long hours.

    So, is it better to be a wreck and give her breast milk or be mentally stable and formula feeding? Even if we ended up with a great breast feeding relationship by the end of the next two months, how would I keep going having to work 80-hour weeks and 16-hour days?
    Here's the thing, you are assuming that you would spend less time feeding her if you were exclusively breastfeeding her. And we are telling you that it's not true. Even if you were exclusively feeding her at your breast at 7 weeks you your breast you would STILL be spending 110% of your time in your PJ's on the couch feeding your child. It is in fact what everyone who exclusively breastfeeds does. So let go of the idea that it's the pumping that is making that happen. You would be overwhelmed with how time consuming it is regardless.
    And the reasons that formula feeding is less overwhelming aren't really good reasons to do it you know? I mean a child goes longer between feeds because its harder on their system, it takes longer to digest and less is absorbed. So you get longer breaks but they are getting inferior nutrition and you get more poopy diapers. I don't think it's a great trade off.
    Also your yield is actually pretty great. And if it were me, BREAST MILK is important enough that I would keep up the pumping because your child deserves it. And if you pump now, than it's NOT going to be a struggle to continue to do when you go back to work. A child that latches with a nipple shield is still latching. I have a friend whose baby NEVER shield weaned. She could only get her to latch first thing in the morning and last ting at night. But she still did it. And she went back to work at 3months and she is about to come up on a year. She pumps at work three times a day feeds her with a shield when they are together and her child gets breastmilk exclusively.
    Some breastmilk is better that no breastmilk. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. But if you CAN make the milk and it sounds like you definitely ARE making the milk, why wouldn't you want to give that to her? I want to encourage you to spend the time pumping, while you are home. And do it with the same love and devotion that we all change dirty diapers with. It's not fun but we all do it anyway. Build up a freezer stash if you can. It sounds like you are going to be away from your baby a lot. 16hours a day is....long. BUT the lining in that is there will PLENTY of opportunity to PUMP while away. And hopefully you can bring that precious gift home to your baby.
    Keep at it. It's not easy. NOTHING about having a child is really. Breastfeeding is as hard as being pregnant and giving birth. But who wouldn't go through those things to have their child? I really feel like it's an extension of the same thing. Good luck. Keep us posted.
    Last edited by @llli*djs.mom; April 28th, 2011 at 07:55 AM.

    Way too lazy for formula

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    6,562

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up

    djs.mom is right. When Lilah was 2 or 3 weeks old I was sitting in her room crying as I nursed her - she had been nursing for an hour and a half on one side and then continued nursing on the other side. I was so sure I was doing something wrong. And we were using a nipple shield for inverted nipples as well. A friend of mine whose second child is 2 months older than Lilah called and I told her what was happening. And she said - it's normal. This is how babies are. The books are wrong. And it was such a relief to hear that.

    I know pumping and the SNS and all that are stressful. The SNS is a seriously weird contraption and we had to use that for a while to get Lilah to latch on. I was thankful that she only ever got my pumped milk through it. The nipple shield is what saved us. I was able to get her off of that sometime around 4 weeks and seemed to boil down to my confidence in it.

    When she was around 7 weeks old she started SCREAMING at me every time she ate. She would scream at me and eat and scream at me some more and this went on for several days until I figured out I had a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance that was giving her crazy gas, hurting her tummy and causing her to have frothy green poop every 30 minutes or so. It took several more days to get that to even out.

    I had to go back to work when she was 4 months old too. I understand you wanting to enjoy the time you have with your baby and not look back on this time as a stressful period of time. I'm guessing this is your first baby. I don't know anyone who made the leap from non-parent to mother without stress at the beginning. Not even the ones that just formula feed from the get-go. I don't work the kind of hours you're talking about, I even changed jobs at my company so I would never have to travel because being with my babies is the choice I'm making right now. I understand that not everyone has that option. But the one thing that made it even possible for me to leave that sweet baby behind was knowing that I was leaving a piece of me behind with her. She may not be with me all day, but she was going to grow and thrive due to ME.

    I don't pretend to be in your shoes mama. You're in a tough spot. But folks around here have made it through that and it's wonderful on the other side.

    I really think breastfeeding turned me from a woman who took a baby home from the hospital into a mother. I'm not saying that women who don't nurse their babies are not mothers... I'm just saying that for ME, it has given me the confidence to be the parent that I want to be. I got through the tough part and the rest was beautiful.
    Tracie

    Mommy to
    Lilah 10/08 nursed 25 months
    Beatrix 01/11 nursed 30 months

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    555

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*mommal View Post
    - Save time when pumping by leaving your pump screwed onto a bottle of milk, and pop the whole thing in the fridge. When it's time to pump again, re-use the set-up, pumping new milk on top of old. My LC said I could do this 1X before washing everything again.
    I may not be the best example for cleaning pump stuff , but you don't even have to put them in the frudge- breastmilk is good for six hours (some even say 10!) at room temperature. And then it's all ready to give to your baby when there is enough.

    Also, your baby might need less milk than you think! I was really stressing about making tons of milk, but according to kellymom.com, I was pleasantly surprised.

    I wish I had the words to address the emotional issue. Just wanted to say that I have been there I had to tell myself "ok, Connor will be 4 months on Tuesday, I just need to get enough for one bottle a day till Tuesday and I can be done". I was having panic attacks and not pumping because it depressed me. But Connor is now going on 6 months, and I'm pumping half of what he needs.

    And I love what all the pps said! I have (still have) a rough time too, so I totally understand.
    Last edited by @llli*katia11; April 28th, 2011 at 08:14 AM.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10,440

    Default Re: On the verge of giving up

    Ack, I had a big long thing typed up.

    No, you cannot maintain any sort of supply this early in pumping with just 1-2 sessions a day. During the first 12 weeks, you have to pump at least 8-12 times for a total of 120 minutes. And even after you start dropping pumpings, you still need to total about 120 minutes to maintain a supply. There are some mamas who do just pump 2 times a day, but those mamas have much older babies who might not need as much milk and they pump for a long time to get that milk because they have to pump a while to get it all out. And that assumes your storage capacity is high; while I make a lot of milk, I can't store it for long without shutting down production.

    I have fed babies via every method. Formula and bottles (not a baby I birthed, though). Breastfed exclusively. Exclusive pumping. While FF seems easier -- and it is, short term -- its NOT long term. And it's expensive. Both in health reasons and just by buying a lot more formula. The pumping thing is awful. If you go to the exclusive pumping forum here, I have a thread from when I learned I would have to EP, and I cried and still mourn it. Because EPing is hard. It's a ton more work than BFing is. And that work never goes away, but BFing eventually does get easier.

    But you have a chance. You can still get this baby to the breast. So what if you have to use an nipple shield and an SNS? That's how I "nurse" my baby too; he has a cleft palate and no ability to latch and nurse like a baby without a birth defect -- he wants to nurse, but those tools let him do it. And it's a connection you have with baby. And it won't always be like that. I had to do that too with my first, and I was able to wean him off and nurse him for 2 years!

    BFing is easier in the end. Not now. Yes, it takes TIME. But it's time well spent. And there's no better way to reconnect with your child after a long day at work.

    Sort of surprised whoever you rented the pump from didn't evaluate your nipple size I had two IBCLCs do that for free.
    Susan
    Mama to my all-natural boys: Ian, 9-4-04, 11.5 lbs; Colton, 11-7-06, 9 lbs, in the water; Logan, 12-8-08, 9 lbs; Gavin, 1-18-11, 9 lbs; and an angel 1-15-06
    18+ months and for Gavin, born with an incomplete cleft lip and incomplete posterior cleft palate
    Sealed for time and eternity, 7-7-93
    Always babywearing, cosleeping and cloth diapering. Living with oppositional defiant disorder and ADHD. Ask me about cloth diapering and sewing your own diapers!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •