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Thread: Requesting reassurance and guidance

  1. #1

    Default Requesting reassurance and guidance

    Hi - new to this board - my name is Erica. I have a 7.5 month old son. He nurses roughly 12 times a day. I know from pumping for a friend in need, that I produce roughly 2 ounces per let down. He rarely lets me feed him from both sides anymore. If he wants more than 2 ounces he usually stays on one side and triggers a second letdown, but more often than not he falls asleep after the first 2 ounces or stops altogether. I don't know how to get him to take more at one time so he's getting more milk during the day and less at night.

    He wakes up roughly every two hours throughout the night to nurse. Not only is this schedule exhausting me, but my husband and I would like to start trying for #2 and because of the on-demand nursing I have not yet resumed my cycle.

    I bought and have read Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution because I am not interested in CIO and I've repeatedly read through The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. That on top of the pressure I get from "outside influences" to do things the way everyone else does them - I'm flipflopping between thinking:

    1) He should be sleeping through the night, in his crib, in another room from me. He should be getting all his breastmilk (aside from maybe one night feeding) during the day. This is normal. He may not LIKE sleeping alone, but no one does. It's merely something he has to learn to do like all people have to learn to do. Not to mention I could really use more sleep to be 100% for him.

    and

    2) He's just a baby. He doesn't NEED to be doing anything but learning and growing and I NEED to do whatever I can to facilitate that. And that means, breastfeeding as much as he wants for as long as he wants, co-sleeping, nurturing. And he's only nursing this much at night because he's teething (for the last 3 months with no teeth yet).

    But I feel just as much pressure to conform as I do to fight conformity. I can't find my happy medium that makes both he and I happy. I could really use some guidance and reassurance to be able to hear my momstinct and I just don't know where else to go. Please help? TIA

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Northern BC, Canada
    Posts
    433

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    My advice is do what feels right to you. I have had plenty of moments where I feel like my LO should be in her crib, then she stops crying and cuddles into me. No one could take her away.
    July 30, 2010-6lbs 2oz- 41w 4d (emergency c-section.) Known dairy, eggs, dogs and cats allergies, eczema, and asthma
    Bonus June 22, 2006 (is 50/50 Custody ) (born 32w) Sensitive to changing temps.
    We BF, BW, Co-sleep and use cloth diapers/pull-ups!

  3. #3

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    I'm just having a hard time hearing what feels right to me.

    And all the horror stories don't help about it being impossible to get a baby OUT of your bed once you've so firmly established your own bed as a sleep spot. I want my bed to be a place my children feel comfortable and safe but I want their own beds to be a place where they feel comfortable and safe also.

    I know I don't want to stop nursing but I know I'd like to get more sleep. I would also like the occasional night off and my son will neither take a bottle nor go to sleep for ANYONE other than me.

    I never know when I'm being selfish and when I'm being reasonable. I know parenting is a learning process, but I wish I knew I was at least moving in the right direction.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    1,805

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    There are lots and lots of Mamas on here who've successfully transitioned babies from their beds to their own beds. It's not impossible. I would be inclined to urge you to go with your second option! He IS just a baby. Really. This time of him being a baby goes by SO quickly (mine is almost 16 months and sometimes i look at him and want to cry -- where did my baby go?!)

    There are other good resources for nightweaning, but I think in general you'll find here that most mamas wouldn't recommend that you even try that before a year. I hear you on being exhausted - but it wont last forever. Enjoy snuggling that little munchkin while he's still little

    you're doing great!
    Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
    Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
    A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    87

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    With my first baby, who is now 2, we did a modified co-sleeping regimen starting around 10 months (if I remember correctly). Up until then he had been in our bed. We started by establishing a bedtime routine that included bath, 3 books, and feeding. Then I put him down in his crib to start the night. I would try to put him back in the crib after early wake ups/feedings and after 1 AM or so would bring him in my bed for the rest of the night. We also did naps in the crib when he wasn't napping on my chest! I think those are Paantley ideas anyway so this is probably nothing new to you...but I felt the same struggle as you.

    Big Brother born 2/2009
    Little Brother born 1/2011

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    2,005

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    I promise that your lo will eventually want to be in his own bed
    we coslept with both of our boys and did not even try to transition them into their own until they were two.
    They are five and even and wilingly sleep in their own beds
    lots of moms here recomend dr. Jay gordons sleep book
    i found that getting one longer(3-4 hour) block of sleep allowed me to feel much more rested and to not want to completely night wean. My lo was older when i did this though
    Proud mom of 2 boys, both weaned gradually and with love.


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    Murray Straus, Ph.D.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    67

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    Maybe try part time co-sleeping?

    With my first he co-slept until he was almost 5. Yes, FIVE. Tried a few times to break it but it broke my heart. When his younger brother got old enough they shared a bed together and still today - at 7 and 4 co-sleep on their (bunk!) bed. With my youngest, I can't co-sleep with because my husband has developed a sleeping problem and he can't wake up on his own. Which is fine with me because I sleep a lot lighter with the baby in bed and with 3 kids, I have learned to appreciate what little sleep I get. I do pull her into bed with me early in the morning when she wakes up to eat and I sleep for that last hour or two of sleep.
    I'm a homeschooling, , mom!

    4/21/04 9lbs1oz FF due to hospital sabotage
    3/16/07 10lbs3oz FF bc of severe weight loss, lack of support
    11/02/10 7lbs14oz BF , supplemented 3oz formula/day for first 3 months due to supply issues. Now she's on all mommy's milk!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    251

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    with all previous posters, especially the idea to try a modified or part-time co-sleeping. We use a co-sleeper crib next to the bed most of the time. When DD is especially fussy and won't stay asleep unless cuddled, I take her to bed with me. I like having her in bed with me (though our bed really is too small for co-sleeping), but I've found we both sleep better when she's in her crib. In TNCSS, Pantley talks about sleep sounds vs. waking sounds. When DD is touching me, even her sleep sounds wake me and I tend to take that as a cue that she needs nursing/a diaper change/etc. When she's in her crib I wake up if she is actually waking up, but tend to sleep through the sleeping sounds. I feel like she eats enough at night because she still nurses 2 or 3 times per night, but I don't have a wiggly baby next to me keeping everyone awake but the cats. I would definitely experiment and realize that is room between the two extremes that you described.

    Also, just because you pump 2 oz. doesn't mean that's what DS gets when he nurses. Our bodies respond differently to pumps and babies. Look for wets and poopies to see if he's getting enough.
    -Hannah

    SAHM-WAHM to lovely Lizzie, born at home 9/14/2010


  9. #9

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    I put my LO in a bed right next to me. I find that she wakes up a couple times at night, but just lets out a whimper, then falls back asleep. Where as when she is in the bed with me when she whimpers I start let down and nurse her. But once I moved her next to me out of my bed she slept through the night. She sleeps on average 8 hours next to me. I usually wake up right before her mornign coo's start. LOL
    LaRae

    DH Paul Married 06/26/99

    My angel baby Peyton born too soon 09/07/01

    Mason & Maya- twins 02/15/06
    Jasperlyn 12/08/07
    Elise 11/22/10

    http://laraeslife.blogspot.com/


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    818

    Default Re: Requesting reassurance and guidance

    we also do part-time cosleeping (in the crib for naps and the first half of the night) so that might something to try? the only reason i don't leave her in the crib at night when i go to sleep is because i am lazy and i don't feel like getting up when i could just nurse her right back to sleep. however, the first half of the night i work very hard to keep her in her crib--that way i can get some schoolwork done and some alone time, also she is learning how to sleep alone sometimes.
    Christine
    Can't believe I've been and a full-time SAHM to Elena (5/2010) for over 2 yrs!
    Mami de mi preciosa Elenita
    http://forums.llli.org/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=32384&dateline=131170  7429 OakRoseCharms Free Shipping for LLLadies just pm me! My Blog

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