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Thread: When you don't feel like nursing..

  1. #1

    Default When you don't feel like nursing..

    What do you do instead?

    Lately I've had moments where my son wants to nurse and I really don't feel like it. He's okay if he starts nursing and then I stop him. But if he asks and I tell him mommy doesn't want to nurse right now and that we can do something else, all hell breaks loose.

    I'm trying to come up with bonding activities to replace it with during those moments.. I was thinking maybe get him 4 or 5 new books and keep them hidden.. take them out only when he wants to nurse and I don't feel like it.. along with giving him a cup of water or cow's milk..

    And maybe once a day if he really wants to nurse(say at nap time) and I say no and he's upset.. maybe put him in the Ergo and wear him out for a walk so that he can fall asleep that way..

    I really don't know what else to do. Up until a couple of months ago I was crying at the idea of weaning, but recently sometimes nursing is just uncomfortable and I have to say no. I try to just snuggle with him instead but that leads to huge temper tantrums while he tries to nurse repeatedly and I have to keep saying no over and over.

    Any ideas?

  2. #2

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    Here are a few things I recall doing:

    *setting a timer or describing after what event(s) he WOULD be able to nurse
    *doing something extremely silly and unexpected
    *starting off small and keeping my phrasing positive -- instead of, "no, not right now," saying "yes, you can nurse after we do....." and keeping the amount of time he had to wait very short at first, and then increasing it slowly.
    *anticipating those time when I was most likely to NOT want to and he was most likely to WANT to, and getting us involved in something as interesting as possible at that time (before the request came).

    When he was upset about not getting to nurse, I tried to honor his desire, without stuffing my own feelings -- letting him know that I understood how much he wanted to, and how hard it was to not be able to. He has been a real teacher to me about letting a person have their feelings without trying to make it better out of my own feelings of discomfort or guilt. He would get far more upset if I tried to convince him out of his feelings. If his feelings were strong, I found that just being willing to be there to hear/witness them without inserting myself into them led him to eventually understand that even his strongest feelings come and they go, and neither one of us becomes undone by them.
    Mama to Lorenzo, born 4/25/2007. NICU graduate, Gastro-Esohapgeal Reflux, Obstructive Sleep Apnea, Sensory Processing Disorder...alive and thriving thanks to breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

    Those who say it can't be done should not interrupt the person doing it.
    Chinese Proverb

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2008

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    Don't say no. But try distracting anyway. Instead of saying "No, I dont want to" say "Hey Lets go out side!!!" Or something like that. If he carries on try saying " lets go outside first then you can nurse when we come back in"

    How old is he?
    ETA: Sorry, I just saw Lorenzo's mom said something similar
    Proud mom of 2:
    DD 5/2008 nursed for 3 years and 3 months.
    DS born 8/2011 nursing like a champ

    Sorry for the short responses...always, always, always NAK or holding a baby

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2006

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    sometimes I would just get up and walk away...
    Did it make them mad? pretty much so but thats part of growing up.

    there were lots of days that we just got out of the house and got moving cause older toddlers didn't nurse much outside the house.

    Anyway you could be pg? I get very grouchy/ tired short fuse when I'm 1st pg...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Red Sox Nation

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    I was going to post something like this yesterday. My DD is almost 17 months and I was happy nursing her 3-4 times a day, but lately she's been asking/ demanding to nurse way more often and isn't always gentle.

    I'm glad you asked this and I'm hoping some of the responses help us too.
    Melissa, mom to my very busy 4-year-old little man and super busy 2-year-old princess.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2010

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    My son is 15 months and I feel a lot like you, crying a few months ago at the thought of weaning, o now crying and wondering if the nursing will ever just slow down! He still nurses about every 2-3 hours I do try to distract him sometimes when I know he just wants to goof off and sip a little. We read books, go for walks of put on music and dance around the house.
    Aedan's mommy since 12/09
    Let me get up on my I'm a , ,,, , milk donating, attachment parenting mama! And we wouldn't have it any other way!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Minnesota, USA

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    More advice!

    I'm in the same boat as you. My 18-month-old has increased his demands to nurse and throws as fit if he doesn't get too. Now I've been giving in because I feel bad about making him mad... he's just looking for comfort and I'm not into it.
    Son #1 Born Winter 2004 (BF/FF out of ignornance, nursed for 3 years)
    Son #2 Born Fall 2009 (EBF thanks to LLL!!!)

    Be the change you wish to see in the world!

    Best book ever: Gabrielle Palmer's "The Politics of Breastfeeding, when breasts are bad for business"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2009

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    Great question! Teaching a child to wait can be a wonderful tool, and is a great life lesson. Try to take a deep breath and remember that breastfeeding, while a wonderful source of comfort and love, is a mutual event, and both parties should be willing to participate.

    Sometimes, I would just give in when demands were made, depending on how badly DS seemed to need it, but other times, I would help put it off, especially in public situations where I didn't want to nurse at the time. If he/she is old enough, I would try, "yes, let's nurse, but we have to wait until we get home"... and then distract. If you're already at home, and you've just "had enough", I remember that I would let him do something he normally wasn't allowed to do - like sit at the sink with me and play with his cars in the running water, go puddle jumping outside, build a snowman, make a fort, or put on a special movie (saved for such occasions), go to the playground.

    Other times, when he really needed the comfort, but I still wasn't willing to nurse, I would give him a soother, rock him and sing him songs, read books and stroke his hair. He actually was perfectly fine with that alternative most times. Of course, nursing was almost never negotiable before and after all naps and bedtime/waking up - and I didn't try to take it out of the equation. This, of course, is all probably after my son turned 18months. Before that, it's touch and go. Nursing seemed to be so important the early months that it's hard to get them to wait much longer than 15 or so minutes. After that, teaching them the waiting game is valuable and helps your child to learn that life is filled with frustrations and that that is okay. We can teach them how to deal with not getting what they want all the time by honoring their feelings, telling them that we know it makes them sad not to have their "num-nums" (or whatever you call them), and that they can have it soon (or whatever you need to say).

    Hope that helps! That's what I did.
    It made my son respect my boundaries while I still nurtured him.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Southern Indiana

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    my lo is almost 19 months and she has days where it seems like she wants to nurse everytime I sit down. I have started counting to 10 and then having her get down. I also have stopped letting her nurse out of the house and that she does not like at all. She still nurses alot at night and is in our bed but I know that will pass aventually also. I will also sing songs, and the older two will also ask her to come play or act goofy. Sometimes she just has to have her fit though.
    I serve an awsome God!!

    Bailee 9y

    JW 6y

    Liberty 3y

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Default Re: When you don't feel like nursing..

    I will let Will nurse out of the house in certain situations, like at a relative or friend's house or if we are in a waiting room alone or with other women or in a place where we can be relatively anonymous, like the food court at the mall or a restaurant, but I have definitely started to set some boundaries.
    Working mom to

    Gabbie 3/8/02 BF 15 months

    Rose 6/5/04 BF 18 months

    Will 10/6/09 BF 22 months and counting

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