Do you remember my post titled "That's it, I give up!! She can have the ***ing bottle!!" ?
How's it going today? Some times it's so hard, when you've just sat for 10 minutes trying to get them to turn their head while you wave your nipple around trying to 'catch' their mouths and all they do is flail and kick and cry.. (and sign the babysign for milk like mine now does).
It's a loooong loooong tunnel but it DOES have a light at the end, even if you can't see it right now. I've often, and I mean more times than I can count on both hands, sat here thinking 'why can't I just give up? Why am I putting myself through all this?!' and then for some reason I still trudge upstairs and attach myself to the milking machine. And then when I only get a measly 10mls from each breast I look long and hard at it. Some days I get so upset that there isn't more.. but now and again I realise that it is more than it was last month. Only by a little bit but it is more.
I wish I lived closer to you because our babies are in almost the exact same situation. Lilly broke her strike two nights back, and tonight she refused the breast again. My heart sank and it felt as if I'd lost it all again. I took several deep breaths, wiped away the tears, and gave her the expressed milk I had ready in her Doidy cup. She had about half of it and then we just cuddled while I rocked her to sleep. That was the important time. The cuddling. Not the nursing. Nursing is for food, and yes it has comfort in it and there is a closeness there too.. but you know what I'm learning? It's not just when nursing that I can get that same cuddles and closeness. All I gotta do is strip my top half, strip her down to her nappy, and that's all I need. They say Skin to Skin works wonders for the baby.. but I'll tell you what? It's got me through more hardships than I care to admit while we've been batteling this nursing strike.
So. Keep that chin up and remember we are all here to keep you floating. Relax. Easier said than done. Try and remember that the cuddles are important, and if he needs milk, there is always the cup/beaker/bottle (if you want to go there). Once you stop trying to force the feeding and accept that maybe it isn't going to happen this time, you never know what might occur.
I'm also always here if you need to PM. Feel free. Also, if you wanted, I have free calls to the US.. I wouldn't mind calling you if you asked.