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Thread: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    555

    Default Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    Hi there! I'll start crying if I retype all my "issues", so I'll summarize that my LO has not been on the breast full time in three months since we moved and that I am pumping 8ish times a day to keep some semblence of a "supply", though it's about 8-10 oz. The rest is formula. (gasp!)

    My laptop does a strange thing where it clicks if i hit the mousepad. I'll finish typing. . .

    I visited the Jack Newman Institute (yes, in Toronto) and they found a tongue tie and clipped it. This would have been helpful about oh. . FOUR MONTHS AGO. And they gave me tips, but I really don't have the time to cup feed him, nor can I afford all the spilled formula. We nurse in the tub every night, so he remembers, and it is our special time. I am taking domperidone now and and a little disappointed the milk isn't spewing out of me still. But there has been a teensy difference. Problem is, the pills are very expensive. I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind, but I feel bad, you know?

    I think he could go back to the breast if I tried hard enough. But I don't particularly want to stop going to school and I have a very hard time. Idk how all you awesome ladies do it because I can't even compare.

    Anyway, lately I've been doubting. When I think of breastfeeding, I get so anxious. I did the bottle feeding and tbh, it's not REALLY that hard. And latching on has become a source of extreme anxiety. . ."will he latch? why won't he?" etc. . .and I get panic attacks every once in awhile from all the pressure from school and Connor. I can't see a therapist because I can't afford the extra childcare. And it is so hard to find one that I can trust. The idea of not knowing exactly how much he is getting is also a source of anxiety. When he would nurse, he would sometimes be one for 1.5 hours and still be fussy. Also, I can't nurse in public. I just can't. I'm 21 and not comfortable with that.

    But sometimes I feel like. . .if I can't nurse him, he doesn't need me. That I'm not really supposed to be his mother. Please don't yell at me for thinking an awful thing.

    I'm not even sure what I'm asking, you know? I am always pumping, no worries on completely giving up. But I'm wondering if anyone has these feelings? If there's anything left I can do? Thanks <3
    Last edited by @llli*katia11; March 30th, 2011 at 03:03 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
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    713

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    i felt tht way at the beginngin. i thought it was my fault that i couldnt get her to latch (during a growth spurt, it was horrible!) i cried every night cuz i could not get her to latch, with or without the swhield, and it was stresssful. i even at one point started blaming HER for not wanting to nurse, like 'well if you dont WANT to eat FINE!' and i really needed to step away from my self for a minute there. i really felt inadequite (my thread should be around in the newborn forum 'close to giving up'

    if school work is really making you so str4essed, try to calm down. yes bottlefeeding is so much easyer, but still try to get him on the breast. just because you cant nurse doesnt mean your LO still wont need you. Mommys are everything for them, not just food, but comfort, warmth, safety.

    if NIP isnt comfortable, you can go into your car, or if you cant get to the car find a corner, or if you absolutly HAVE to use the restroom, DONT DO IT IN THE TOILET STALL, or atleast use the handicapped stall. try to nurse near the sinks. its much cleaner there. when i had to NIP, and i didnt really want to do it in the bathroom i started in the wiating area of the restroom. after i changed the LO she was super fussy (diaper rash) so i let her comfort nurse, near the sinks.
    Luna Justine: born January 20 th 6 am on the dot
    I did it! Now without the nipple shield 100% of the time Since 2/12

    We are now self-latching! .

    ing about . expecting to start in 2 weeks.

    Blame strange autocorrect if my posts come out weird. More often than not typing one handed on a "smart" object or just ing

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    Well i dont know what you're exact problem is but it took me 3-4 weeks to see any improvement in pumping and i got up to the amount YOU have achieved. I've never been able to make more. However, i have bought breast milk and some has been donated to me as well. I've used Craig's list and also www.milkshare.com and Eats on Feets (on facebook). I use this milk while i catch up with my own pumping for the freezer and i've been pumping for 8 months. I'm going to try a supplement called goat's rue bc fenugreek, blessed thistle and fennel have not worked for me. Good luck!

  4. #4

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    You're doing great mama! You are so strong for working so hard to continue supplying your LO with breastmilk!

    It is really hard to balance school and home life with taking care of babies AND pumping. You must feel so much pressure, but don't despair! Taking your LO to have the toungue-tie taken care of, and spending alone time every evening nursing and cuddling are great steps to take!

    Remember supply and demand, the more your LO drinks, the more milk you will produce. So everytime you supplement with formula, your body needs to make that amount of milk plus more to have more to feed. If you're trying to keep your baby on the breast, but you're giving more formula than breastmilk you will have to work that much harder to keep your supply in order. I don't think that you want to spend all day trying to pump(especially since you're in school) but maybe you can use this coming weekend to have a second babymoon. Put aside all plans and spend the day in bed with your LO. Offer your breast as often as possible(keep the lanolin nearby lol) and maybe you can fit in some time pumping while LO gets a diaper change or a quick walk around the house. Even if it doesn't work to help you exclusively breastfeed, it seems like you're getting really stressed and just need some time to relax. Don't worry so much about how much your baby is getting, but enjoy your time together.

    When my LO was a month old, our pedi told us she was failure-to-thrive. I saw a lactation consultant and was given a hospital grade pump and a rigorous pumping schedule that left me with no time to actually be with my baby. I was pumping, using the SNS, washing all the parts and bottles, and pumping all day and night with no difference. After a week I decided to try to let my LO lead instead and took her to bed with me. She drank and drank until her cheeks were rosy and my chest felt deflated!

    I know that this isn't always common, and I don't want you to go against your pedi and lactation consultant by all means. Breastfeeding is a relationship though, so if it isn't working for you, it means it isn't working. You don't have to feel obligated to do something you know isn't working or making you happy. I agree with other posters about looking into milk banks before "throwing in the towel"

    You really are amazing for working so hard to do what you feel is best for your baby these last 8 months. You should do what feels right and trust your gut! But really, give the babymoon a try. If it doesn't work, at least you'll both be well-rested =)


    <3 4babygem

    8 months strong, now it's time to tackle solids...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    555

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    Thanks for the support

    I think one thing is that. . .when I think about finally removing one things that's stressing me out, I feel this enormous sense of relief. But at the same time. . .I want to fit in with all the breastfeeding mothers and not feel like a "detachment parent" for giving a bottle.

    I appreciate all the support, I do have a couple people from one of the milksharing websites that I need to get back to (as I was away for break). But even that kind of stresses me out as I would have to drive a few long distances.

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*4babygem View Post
    maybe you can fit in some time pumping while LO gets a diaper change
    Did I mention I was single? lol. I appreciate the thought all the same. About every other night we sleep together skin to skin too, so that's helpful. Depending on how much work I have this weekend, we might be able to do that.

    I guess part of me was wondering if I was even emotionally ready for something like breastfeeding? It sounds strange, but kind of true. I'm kind of sick of having my breasts be rejected in several different ways.

    We shall see! Gotta remember to keep the goals small. Right now, just to 6 months. (LO is 4.5 months, wasn't sure if that was clear- he only breastfed consistently for 2)
    Last edited by @llli*katia11; March 30th, 2011 at 05:00 PM.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    I understand your concerns! I am also 21, and still going to school. I am so close to graduating but all I have left are my clinical classes. But since I'm breastfeeding, I can't just come and go as I would like because she WON'T take a bottle (we have tried literally everything), but I'm also okay with it. I've had a hard time with breastfeeding in public because my boyfriend's dad (future in-law), told me to my face, "Breastfeeding is gross. Anyone who does it is gross. And it's the dumbest way to provide for your child." Well he obviously doesn't know what he is talking about! Even the little amount you are able to provide for your baby, is great! I go to the car and nurse with a blanket over me and that works well! You are doing what you can to provide the best quality of life for your child and no one can judge you for that! There are so many people out there that encourage me, daily, for being 21 and in college and still breastfeeding. I lived quite the social life before I was pregnant, and now, my life is breastfeeding, homework, housework, and exercise. In the begining, I was angry with her for consuming all my time. Morning, afternoon, and night! Then I felt guilty for blaming her. I think every breastfeeding mom expeirences some type of resentment towards their child, but not on purpose. Don't be too hard on yourself! I respect you more than words can express! Being a single mom has to be the hardest job in the world, and I think being a mom in general is hard work! But to do everything you're doing, by yourself, deserves a medal or day at the spa would be nice too lol! Try to keep your head up! You're doing a great job!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Posts
    713

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    my boyfriend's dad (future in-law), told me to my face, "Breastfeeding is gross. Anyone who does it is gross. And it's the dumbest way to provide for your child."
    LOL. did you say a powder mixed with water is a gross way to provide for a little one? :
    Luna Justine: born January 20 th 6 am on the dot
    I did it! Now without the nipple shield 100% of the time Since 2/12

    We are now self-latching! .

    ing about . expecting to start in 2 weeks.

    Blame strange autocorrect if my posts come out weird. More often than not typing one handed on a "smart" object or just ing

  8. #8

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*sailoryue View Post
    LOL. did you say a powder mixed with water is a gross way to provide for a little one? :
    I just simply explained, horse milk is for colts. Dog milk is for puppies. Cow milk is for calfs. So it only makes sense for human milk to be for babies! He didn't say much after that either.

    P.S.
    He also called me "sadistic" for planning a natural childbirth. He called me "crazy" and said I was "stupid" for doing such an upsurd thing. He kept asking me why I would want to endure such pain when I didn't have to. Then my wonderful boyfriend stepped up and told him to shut it! That I could do anything I set my mind to! And if I made it 10 painful months with a child inside me, I could handle anything

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Posts
    713

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    Quote Originally Posted by @llli*adalynns.momma11 View Post
    I just simply explained, horse milk is for colts. Dog milk is for puppies. Cow milk is for calfs. So it only makes sense for human milk to be for babies! He didn't say much after that either.

    P.S.
    He also called me "sadistic" for planning a natural childbirth. He called me "crazy" and said I was "stupid" for doing such an upsurd thing. He kept asking me why I would want to endure such pain when I didn't have to. Then my wonderful boyfriend stepped up and told him to shut it! That I could do anything I set my mind to! And if I made it 10 painful months with a child inside me, I could handle anything
    nows thats a DH2b!
    Luna Justine: born January 20 th 6 am on the dot
    I did it! Now without the nipple shield 100% of the time Since 2/12

    We are now self-latching! .

    ing about . expecting to start in 2 weeks.

    Blame strange autocorrect if my posts come out weird. More often than not typing one handed on a "smart" object or just ing

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    318

    Default Re: Not even sure if I want to try and nurse anymore. . .

    Is there any way for you to go back to see Dr Newman? He might up your prescription or give you some new advice. If you tell him you are a student and don't have much money he will give you his services for free (I did that and plan on sending a donation just as soon as we get a little out of the red here).

    PM me if you want. I live around Toronto.
    Mother to the wonderful Teya - born June 21, 2010

    Wife to Pat Sept 13, 2008

    We are and at school

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