Although I feel like another LC might be able to help if you choose to.
I think it's so important to share those feelings. While breastfeeding is important, I want to sympathize because there aren't many places to discuss these feelings. FFing friends will pat you on the back for trying, BFing friends will say you can try again with the next baby, but I know there are deeper feelings than that.
Hoping you can find support no matter what.
(I'm not really good at this, but I really feel for your situation.)