My 4 month old and I went for a checkup for his eczema. It was extreme and oozing and I was afraid of it being infected. So I went on a frantic search for a pediatrician. Unfortunately, there were no pediatricians that were accepting new patients, taking medicaid, AND is on my side of vaccinations and parenting. So I just randomly picked one from my medicaid booklet of doctors. Seeing a pediatrician is better than doing nothing. and using natural home remedies were not working at all.
Well, we got to the pediatrician's office. They weigh him and all that and stuck us in a room for what feels like an hour. The pediatrician finally comes in with her laptop and says "well, I'm worried about his weight. He has only gained 1 pound." I looked at her as if she was lying because I weighed him at home and he was gaining just fine. It didn't make sense to me. But he was way off the chart so she says. She then brings up the conversation about his vaxes and I told her that it wasn't the right time right now. She kept saying that he needed it and I kept saying no not now. DH was in the room too so she kept asking him about his health decisions. I felt bad because he is the one who is ALL for vaccinations but we can't talk about that decision because it would be one ugly fight. Anyways, because the ped thought he needed to see medical attention, she called up the children's hospital to save a bed. She then told me it was so urgent that she will call CPS if I don't go up there. I felt scared and cried. It felt like I was starving my child and didn't know. DH cried too and we both held DS tightly. DH gave me a pep talk and after that, I don't think he trusts me solely making the health decisions for DS.
We got to the hospital and they do tests upon tests. The doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, social worker, and feeding specialists all wondered what I did when I was feeding him. I told them I was EPing about every 3-4 hours, which yielded about 4 ounces at most. He was also sleeping through the night from 10 pm to 5-7 am (whenever he wakes up) Very rarely he would wake up around 2-3 am for a night feed and that's when I give him the boob. They saw that I was underfeeding him, especially with the sleeping through the night. (and I thought STTN was good ) But the doctor thought it was acid reflux (he spits up a lot) so she had him on zantac. Then, they also put 2.5% hydrocortisone cream and aquaphor for his eczema (it was indeed infected). I was gritting my teeth with all the lovely chemicals they're putting on him BUT I was hoping it was only temporary. They also put me on a schedule to feed him ever 3 hours with 5 ounces of milk. 5 ounces???? I can never pump that much. I saw no hope for my breastfeeding and I talked to the LC there. She said "well, there is nothing much you can do. It's either give him some formula mixed with the breastmilk or starve him." and she handed me a sheet a paper that said what to do to produce more milk. I've already done everything on that list before and I never saw anything significant. DH said plain and simple "we're doing formula". I told him "okay fine... but it's going to be mixed in with the pumped breastmilk." i didn't feel like arguing, as I was already stressed. I was only able to pump 3 ounces (somehow my supply dropped an ounce when I was there and stayed that way ever since). So I had to mix in 2 ounces of formula with it. DH gave him 1 full-formula feed during the night. He gained weight and the hospital staff were happy.
Well, the stress doesn't stop there. DH doesn't trust my eating habits either. He picked at every little thing I eat and says "you're not getting enough [enter vitamin or mineral here]" The big one was on protein. I have been on the vegan diet (mostly 75% raw) and don't eat meat or animal by-products. DH is a big omnivore and I swear, his food pyramid consists of meats, cheeses, pizzas, and pastas and the usual little debbie snack cakes. I eat protein but it's in unusual ways like beans and nuts. Then, he claims I need to eat more. Okay, that I can agree with. He's SO worried about my breast milk production and what DS is getting in nutrients. As you can tell, we're VERY stressed on getting him to gain weight. And I'm afraid my breast milk production will go down for it. I feel like a failure. He has me doing a list of what I eat daily.
*sighs* So, I was wondering is it really possible to pump 5 ounces of breastmilk at one time every three hours? Should I be worried about my protein intake? I wish I could go back to nursing him but I am in the middle of school and I am soon to be doing an internship next week (which is like a work schedule). This internship is 2 hours away from my house and it will only last for a month. Is it possible to go back to nursing after my school and internship is done? I'm graduating this May. But I don't think this new pediatrician will approve (the doctors assigned me a new pediatrician for followups).
I'm very very lost at what to do.. I'm at the brink of just doing formula and give up. It's effecting my grades and my relationship with DS and DH. I want a normal breastfeeding relationship but at this point, I feel like it's impossible. I need some word of advice.