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Thread: Child led weaning...early???

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Child led weaning...early???

    So...I have been thinking as we are fighting nursing again...Haylee gets crabby when she is hungry. The only times she gets crabby are when she is hungry or tired (most of the time...on a few occasions now she wakeds up cranky and has a bad day, but in general...). So, some days she will get fussy, and acts hungry. I know that we are supposed to offer to nurse before offerring solids, but sometimes it is extremely difficult to get her to nurse...she acts like she doesn't even want to nurse. But, I put her down and then try again in a few minutes. Sometimes its just a battle to get to the point of a letdown and then once the milk comes she will eat, verociously until full, and then go off to play again. I know if I gave her solids to eat, she would eat those, because she could continue to interact/play/look around.

    My question is...should I still be "forcing" her to eat bm? What about in a few months, when she is closer to age 1? Is she going to nurse much past that during the day? I really want to nurse until 2 but I wonder if that is my goal and if I really let her wean at this point, she might just end up weaning on her own sometime in the near future. I have been thinking about this a lot lately! What does everyone think?

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
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    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
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    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    That sucks. I'm sorry you have been going through this. Nursing isn't supposed to be painful, physically or emotionally. Now, I'm not an extended nurser - my daughter is only 6.5 months old - but I say you have to do what works for you. Consider this, if you are trying to "force" her all you are doing is getting upset and in turn upsetting her. She won't nurse anyway then. Perhaps if you take a lighthearted approach, like the one you suggested, then you may get your nursing relationship back on track. I would still make sure that she is getting some breastmilk, but perhaps it will be in a bottle while you are at work for a little while or in a cup while eating solids. Don't we tell all the new mom's that it doesn't matter how they get it as long as they are getting it?!? Good luck I hope that helps!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    I guess that's what I am wondering...after she turns one, am I still supposed to try to get bm into her, before solids? Not that she eats a lot of solids right now...she still likes her bottle at daycare and usually nurses fine in the evenings and at night, and they don't seem to really fill her up, but I wonder how long I should really encourage nursing to the point of a fight. And its not always a fight...but some days it seems that's what I get. So, on those days should I just take on a don't offer, don't refuse mentality? What I am really wondering is should I still be nursing first, or starting to lead her into more solids? And I am totally against pumping any more than I have to, so feeding her bm in a sippy is a big, fat NO . If I have to pump when I am with her, I am gonna give it up. I just can't do it...not at this point in her life. This probably sounds a little wacky...its really hard to describe what I am thinking so that it comes out legible!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  4. #4

    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    Erin,
    I understand. Emily started down a similar path when she was about 11 months old. I try to nurse her first thing, before she is hungry. But sometimes she just wants to play. She won't drink ebm anymore, little interest in the bottle and really seems to want bm from me and me only. So, I have just restorted to keeping meals separate from bm. She nurses like a champ in the middle of the night, so scratch what I said about her sleepgin through the night a few weeks ago! And she nurses in the am, right when I get home from work and two mini sessions somewhere else in the evening. Then she nurses at night before bed. We've managed to get in a cluster feding routine inthe couple of hours before bed and as lng as it doesn't seem close to dinnertime we're good. If she hasn't nursed much that day and is really antsy we skip bahtime and we take a shower instead. I could feed a family of four when we nurse in the shower, the milk comes quickly and she's a happy camper.

    I don't know if I am making sense, my point, I guess, maybe try and keep nursing and food separate from eachother?
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Oregon
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    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    I think you'll just have to do what works best for you and Haylee. And know that if you do start the "Don't offer, don't refuse," especially when coupled with a solids before nursing plan, that you will be beginning down a mother led weaning path. One method of gentle mother-led weaning that some mothers do is to stop to offering the breast. They will still nurse their child if they ask for it, but they stop offering. I think that is important to keep in mind because nursing is a symbiotic relationship. A busy one year old learning all sorts of new stuff is easily distracted from nursing if not offered it. I have to almost always offer to Adeline during the days ... and many times she's just too busy and distracted to do anything but take a quick snack. But because I'm always offering she knows it's always available to her ... and she also is a champion night nurser!

    If you wanted to try and continue to nurse longer I'd say to keep offering. I know with Adeline that it gets tiring continuing to offer when I keep getting refused ... but I also know that it's just a phase and that if I stick with it that things will eventually get better. I hear from so many moms that said they went through some really rough months around the 9-14 month period and are so happy they kept offering and stuck with it because nursing got so much better after that.

    Something I have been trying with Adeline with some success is nursing her in a different room ... not a noisy room with enough to distract her, but somewhere where she's entertained enough while nursing to just look around. And, Shelly will be happy to hear, I've been using our nursing necklace with some success too. If I try nursing and she pops off after only 30 seconds, I'll put on the necklace and that will almost always give me another 2 minutes or so ... enough so she's getting a good little bit of milk after let down.

    In the end, you just have to do what you feel in your heart. I know that it's a hard decision!

    Mama to Adeline Brett, breastfed for 4.5 years (12/14/05) and little Eliza June, new tiny sprite in my arms and still learning the ropes (7/18/10)

    Family Blog • If I'm here I'm nursing and typing one handed ... forgive the typos!
    And I'm not a newbie at all ... I'm trying to get my old user ID working from back in the day ... paint-the-moon

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    8,591

    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    Annie...you have told me what I wanted to hear. I feel like, by offering, I am actually doing mommy-led nursing, and that by not offering I would be doing child led nursing...and right now I guess I need to do a little leading, if I want to continue to nurse. Nursing at night and in the afternoon and evenings is still going great...but in the am and early day, she is so busy that she really doesn't want to nurse much...and I know if I offerred a solids snack she would run around munching on it.

    My aunt said the same thing the other day, when we visited her. She nursed 3 of her children until they self-weaned around 2 or 3 yo. She said that from about 8 months until they were a little over a year, they were hard to nurse, but after that she enjoyed some of the best nursing times ever! I guess if I can get past this phase, we will be on our way to that. I just didn't want to be going against what Haylee wants/needs right now. And you have assured me that is not the case.

    Kelly Ann...I am so glad to hear that you have been sort of experiencing the same thing too...I think sometimes its just a matter of hearing that you are not alone in this big ol' nursing world! I would be very sad if Haylee didn't want to nurse anymore, especially with the cold and flu season looming ahead of us!

    Erin
    Wife to a grizzly
    Mama to my little deer (12/05) my loving bear cub (9/07--), and our little tiger (3/22/10)
    Born by one c-section and 2 amazing VBACs


    Miles in 2012: 350.5/900 (Actual Miles Ran: 189)
    Miles in 2011: 708.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 509)
    Miles in 2010: 800.5 (Actual Miles Ran: 620)

    January Miles: 37.5/75
    February Miles: 59/75
    March Miles: 42.5/60
    April Miles: 64
    May Miles: 41/70
    June Miles: 59
    July Miles: 39.5

    227.5 miles on my new shoes
    338 miles on my old shoes

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    2,178

    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    What worked for me with my oldest son, was to nurse him right away when he woke up but was still really sleepyheaded...then we'd have breakfast within an hour or so. I think if you're nursing within an hour or so of solids, that could be considered before solids. If your LO goes longer between nursing sessions ...like 4 hours or so, maybe within an hour and a half would be ok or even 2 hours.

    I think the whole point of always nursing before solids is that most babies don't eat a large enough variety of solid foods to give them the right nutrition. Alot of kids don't eat that well until after they're a year old. So, if they're eating solids and decreasing the amount of breastmilk they take in too much, they could end up malnourished even though they're eating food.

    With our oldest, after he turned 1 yr old, we just started letting him run the show as far as when he wanted to nurse. We knew he ate enough different solids at that point to stay healthy, so he chose whether he wanted to nurse first or not. Usually, nursing was a morning, naptime, naptime, bedtime, middle of the nighttime thing after that. Meals were way too fun to waste snuggling with momma and nursing.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    Okay, here's the weird part about offering and gettign refused. I hate feeling the "See, you don't need to be doing that anymore, she doesn't even want to" vibe from my friends/family even dh sometimes. I don't know if it is all in my head and I certainly don't care enough to have that make me stop offering but I hate it nonetheless.

    I have also had success in weird rooms of the house. She thinks she is going to haveto go to sleep if we are in her room or mine but she'll nurse like a champ in the bathroom, she can see her self in the mirror! And at the computer, lucky for me!!
    Mother to Emily June, b. Sept 18, 2005 and Lucy Quinn, b. 1/20/2012

    “Buy the ticket, take the ride."
    Hunter S. Thompson

    Excitement on the Side: Who doesn't love a confident woman with long boobs...

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Oregon
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    2,931

    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly Ann View Post
    I have also had success in weird rooms of the house. She thinks she is going to haveto go to sleep if we are in her room or mine but she'll nurse like a champ in the bathroom, she can see her self in the mirror! And at the computer, lucky for me!!
    That is exactly why I think Addie refuses in the bedroom sometimes! She doesn't want to go to sleep ... in fact, sometimes she'll start crying as we walk down the hall cause she knows that's where we are headed. The kitchen floor in the middle of pots, pans and toys has been our most successful place to nurse lately!

    Mama to Adeline Brett, breastfed for 4.5 years (12/14/05) and little Eliza June, new tiny sprite in my arms and still learning the ropes (7/18/10)

    Family Blog • If I'm here I'm nursing and typing one handed ... forgive the typos!
    And I'm not a newbie at all ... I'm trying to get my old user ID working from back in the day ... paint-the-moon

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Bryan, Texas
    Posts
    4,260

    Default Re: Child led weaning...early???

    [QUOTE=Kelly Ann;70122]Okay, here's the weird part about offering and gettign refused. I hate feeling the "See, you don't need to be doing that anymore, she doesn't even want to" vibe from my friends/family even dh sometimes.[\QUOTE]

    We are not to that point yet, shiloh is just coming up on 6 mos, but I can totally see that happening, ESP. from my mom. Sometimes she can be really supportive and other times (like at 4mos when she thought we should start solids) she can really be a thorn in my side.

    I appreciate y'alls input and advice...I'll be able to combat this later if/when is becomes an issue.

    Thanks,
    Leslie
    All over the world there exists in every society a small group of women who feel themselves strongly attracted to giving care to other women during pregnancy and childbirth. Failure to make use of this group of highly motivated people is regrettable and a sin against the principle of subsidiary. ~ Dr. Kloosterman, Chief of OB/GYN, Univ. of Amsterdam, Holland


    **Leslie**

    Mama to:
    Shiloh (5/6/06) Nursed for 13 months and Josephine (7/26/08) Nursed for 23.5 mos Currently nursing my new little firecracker, Finley Catherine, born on the 4th of July!!

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