Beautifully written, TFS. :hug
Beautifully written, TFS. :hug
Paige, :hug:cry I know you are an amazing mama. I cannot imagine going through what you have been through with D. You are doing a wonderful job.
Well I just wanted to bump this because it's been a year since I stopped nursing D and I never did come back and update it like I said I would. It makes me all teary to read it again and remember how hard it was, but I can remember other things now like how grateful I really was that he never rejected the bottle or the formula and how I could still cuddle him to me while I fed him and he still looked pretty sweet looking up at me even if I had to move the bottle out of the way to look him in the eye.
Of course we have regained our bond by now, or maybe we never really lost it to begin with and it was more my reaction to the situation that made me feel like some connection had been severed by circumstances beyond my control. I hope and actually kind of believe that Davis never felt the bond waver no matter how I was feeling at the time.
But back to the present. I have a crazy almost 2 year old. He's not perfect, we still have problems, he still needs us to be on top of his health all.the.time. but looking back on how he used to be compared to how he is today it's like a totally different child. It's certainly a totally different situation for us as his parents to no longer be in constant emergency mode. To no longer be constantly worried about what is going to happen, constantly googling to see if I can find something the doctors are missing, constantly wondering what is really wrong with my baby. Now we can actually focus on the normal toddler issues, like hitting and potty training and getting along with his sister. Speaking of his sister, he's very different from her and of course I will always wonder how much of it is because of the things that happened in the first year (and more) of his life, including being weaned early. He's just as likely to go to daddy when he's tired, hurt, or upset as he is to come to me and while I get a pang about that on occasion, I try to remind myself that he was never quite as desperately attached to me as she was. It could just be his personality or the fact that he's the second child. It might have nothing to do with the fact that I cut him off.
As for bottle feeding getting easier, you know what? It never did. I still get up in the middle of the night and fix bottles and it still sucks. I still have to get up at god o clock in the morning and walk around with my sick or teething child and I still sometimes think about how much easier it would be to just pop a boob in his mouth and go back to sleep. On the plus side I've learned some new tricks so I can think about those things and not panic trying to figure out what I can do to calm him that doesn't involve my boobs. And finally, I still frequently get to where I'm going and find that I've forgotten something, either the formula, the bottle, the water, or whatever. Fortunately bottle feeding a toddler is similar to nursing a toddler in that you can distract them or talk them into waiting until a better time. It's also similar in that people look at you like you're crazy when you do it in public, but whatever. Pass the bean dip, how about the weather, well if you really want to know I'll tell you the whole sad story but don't mind me if I start to tear up while I do it.
So there you go, a sort-of-happy update. It can be done and this too shall pass and all of that positive stuff. :o
I'm still fairly new to the breastfeeding as my LO is 5 weeks old. Your original post was very touching and made me realize not to take this amazing time I have with my daughter for granted. I originally thought I would only BF for 3 months until I went back to work so that she would get the health benefits from it, but I'm loving it so much, and its so much more than just the health benefits now that I know I'm going to go much longer! I also could not have made it the first few weeks (and even some days here and there now) without this site and all of the support/advice from all of you and reading about your experiences. I'm so glad everything worked out for you and I hope you continue to visit us here to share your experiences and wisdom!
I have followed your story on and off, Paige, but never did catch what D was allergic to, in the end. And how has the intro of solid foods went?
And yes, while I haven't had to deal with allergies, I appreciate your presence here--with all your knowledge and all you've experienced! :clap:hug
Thanks ladies. :hug
Erin, we still don't know all of his allergies or more accurately we don't know what all he reacts to. As far as foods go he has tested positive to dairy, eggs, peanuts, some tree nuts, garlic, chicken, pork, some legumes (so we avoid almost all including soy), and wheat (he's also tested negative so we've trialed it twice but are still avoiding). We also avoid all the more common allergens like fish and shellfish, strawberries, peas and some random things like peaches and cherries because they are closely related to almonds, which he's tested highly positive for. Basically we have to go really slowly with trialing foods and we can't always tell whether he's reacted or not because his skin is almost always broken out so unless there is a super big reaction we can't be totally sure. So he's still on a pretty limited diet and still gets the majority of his nutrition from elemental formula.
I do think he is outgrowing some of his reactivity, whether that means he's outgrowing some allergies or whether his body is just able to deal with things better now I'm not sure, but the end result is that he is feeling better so that's a positive. He's also gaining weight really well and catching back up with his growth curve. He was up to 10%ile at his last visit, which was a pretty huge deal for us. He's been on a zinc supplement for several months and that has made a really big difference in his growth and the condition of his skin.
:hug:hugI can't believe D is almost 2. TFS your story as you make your way.