This part made me :cry for you. I hope it happens for you soon. You're a wonderful mother and you've been waiting a long time. As far as how different it would be, you never know. Maybe DJ would have totally weaned during pregnancy, maybe not. I still wonder how long Nora would have gone had I not gotten pregnant with D. I think I will always feel slightly guilty that by getting pregnant I pushed her away before she was ready.
I wistfully wonder about how much different this journey would be if there was a baby and milk for another child.