Hi ladies. I didn't know where to put this. Anywho here it goes. I just need to get this out.
Lately I find myself obsessing about bf. Will it work out? How will my daughter be with me bf (she will be 25months)? Will I be able to do this? Will I make enough milk?
It is keeping me up at night. You see I had bf issues w/ Maya. She was in the NICU so I had to pump and then she would not latch once she was home. So I decided to keep pumping. I eventually became depressed w/ pumping non stop and I gave up. It is something I truly regret. :(
So now that I am pregnant again I am determined to make this bfing relationship work. I feel like I don't have much support from family and I know that is important. My dh is great but he just doesn't "get it". My Mom made the comment that if I was going to try BFing again I will be taking time away from Maya! WTH?!
I feel consumed by this BFing stuff. I want it to work so bad but because of my past experience I worry all the time and the baby isn't even here! LOL
I'm sorry if this all seems jumbled I just needed to get that out. Thanks for listening.
Well, big hugs to you. I often say, but will say again, that I have the utmost admiration for moms who struggle with breastfeeding their first baby but come to a subsequent baby all the more determined to succeed. The experience with Maya must have been very painful and isolating, and I suspect most women would not be willing to even try breastfeeding the second time around. So I think you are already awesome.
I also want to stress how hard exclusive pumping is. Doing that for ANY length of time is a real accomplishment. It's like having two babies, in that every feeding takes twice as long (first you "feed" the pump, and then you feed the baby ... 8 to 12 times a day ... every day). And I suspect that Maya's NICU stay was a traumatic experience for you -- just think of everything you were coping with when she finally came home and you could finally try to breastfeed, and when you switched to exclusively pumping. It is not surprising that things didn't work out for your breastfeeding relationship the first time around.
I think hooking up now with LLL, reading reliable books and websites and messageboards, and forming friendships with other nursing moms is the best way any expectant mother can set herself up for breastfeeding success. Good information and adequate practical and emotional support are essential ingredients -- and if your close family members aren't in a position to provide these things for whatever reason, there's a lot you can do to get what you need from the local breastfeeding-friendly community. Maybe a postpartum doula would be a good idea for you -- an experienced mother trained in lactation support who can spend regular time in your home for a week or two, helping with Maya and with household duties and being available for your questions and concerns around breastfeeding the baby.
The second most important thing is probably to make your childbirth plans with breastfeeding as a touchstone. Do your homework about your care provider, location of the birth, and the risks and benefits of the various interventions that you might be faced with. Knowledge is definitely power in this area, as far too many families discover too late that their docs and hospitals don't routinely use the best possible set of practices to help moms and babies start breastfeeding successfully. But however things go with the birth, you can be empowered by learning all the different challenges that mothers and babies have successfully overcome in order to breastfeed -- it's possible under almost every circumstance to nurse your baby, if you have the right information and support.
Good luck, and I hope we'll see lots of you around these boards in coming months, and a happy report when your little nursling arrives and begins breastfeeding.
Rebecca thanks so much for replying! It means a lot to me. Gosh I wish you lived near me. LOL Actually my best friend and still bfing her 19 month old! So I do have her. I told her she will need to help me when the baby gets here. ;)
I think my experience with Maya taught me a lot! I was not prepared at all. So this time I think over preparing is a good thing. :) I am going to call my local LLL and start attending meetings very soon!