This is so hard, because of course he is tired too. A few suggestions: Use disposable paper plates/cups etc. temporarily. You are helping the environment so much by breastfeeding you have a pass green wise, as far as I am concerned. Fill the sink with sudsy water and put dirty pans and stuff in there so it will be almost soaked clean by the time your husband comes home. Have your mom buy some inexpensive big baskets or bins that can be on the floor that your older kids can reach easily and get them to help picking up toys and tossing lose toys into the bins, make it a game. Biggish heavy bins may help discourage your kids from the fun of dumping the bins out again. Perhaps your husband is upset with the state of the house because he feels an added responsibility to keep it clean because it is your parents house. If that is the case, maybe enlist your mom & dad in reassuring him that everyone understands that this is a temporary situation and a little extra mess is not bothering your parents.
My husband gets aggravated when coming home to toys scattered through the house and lunch dishes that are still out. He will clean them but does so with a bit of an attitude.